Exclusive:
Molly Matthews, 22, lives with chronic fatigue syndrome and psoriasis which has forced her to miss out on social events - 'I’m young and want to go out and do things'
“I was diagnosed with psoriasis when I was 12 and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) when I was just about to do my GCSEs at 16. I’ve really adapted to my psoriasis, though sometimes when I’m having a bad flareup and my skin is super itchy, I can scratch until I bleed, which affects my mood and how I feel within my body.
“My CFS affects my everyday life a lot more. I’m only 22, so it’s really difficult to set boundaries on your body when most young people don’t have to. I try to take things as slowly as possible to not put extra stress on my body, but that can be incredibly difficult. I often have to take an ‘hour of decompression’ in the evenings where I get home and lie in bed until I feel better again.
“CFS has definitely affected my social life. I’m young and want to go out and do things, but it isn’t possible for me without paying for it later. It can be hard to explain that to people when they don’t understand – setting those boundaries can either leave you with FOMO or feeling like you’re a bad friend.
“I’m terrible at setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ makes me worry about what people will think of me. But then I learnt that setting boundaries meant I could become the best version of myself, and while I still definitely worry, I’ve just started saying ‘no’.
“I found that once I started doing this, I was able to properly care for myself and stopped feeling guilty. I now turn down things I know will make my CFS worse. Refusing to do things that are stressful helps keep my psoriasis from flaring up too. Having some control over triggers helps you keep balance in your life and, for me, has improved my skin and fatigue.”
Just like Molly, here's why learning to say “no” is good for your health...
Fight or flight?
Stress can have a huge impact on your physical health. “When we experience stress, our body enters a heightened state of alertness, known as the ‘fight or flight’ response,” says Dr Elena. “This triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which, over time, can lead to a range of issues. Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making us more susceptible to illness. It can disrupt nearly every system in the body, from digestive problems to heart disease.”
You’re more than just sleepy
Dr Elena says exhaustion is much more than just feeling tired. “It’s a state of physical and mental depletion that can have serious consequences for your health,” she explains. “When we’re run down, our body’s ability to repair and rejuvenate itself is compromised, making us more vulnerable to infections and chronic conditions. Continuous exhaustion can also lead to burnout, where the body’s stress response becomes overactive, contributing to issues like high blood pressure, heart disease and weakened immunity.”
Don’t make things worse
According to Dr Elena, stress or exhaustion can “play a significant role in the development or worsening of autoimmune illnesses such as Hashimoto’s thyroiditis [where the immune system attacks the thyroid gland] and psoriasis”. She adds, “Prolonged stress can lead to imbalances in the immune system, causing it to mistakenly attack healthy tissues, as seen in these autoimmune diseases. Similarly, exhaustion weakens the body’s defences, creating an environment where illnesses thrive.”
Protect yourself
Saying “no” should become an “essential tool” for people living with a chronic illness, insists Dr Elena. “Chronic illnesses often require careful management and plenty of rest – overextending can lead to flare-ups or worsening symptoms. By saying ‘no’ to unnecessary commitments, you can help prevent the stress and exhaustion that might exacerbate your condition, leading to a better quality of life and more stable health.”
Stop illness in its tracks
“Saying no is a proactive way to protect your health and also avoid the development of chronic illnesses,” advises Dr Elena. “By setting boundaries, managing your workload and social commitments, you can reduce the risk of chronic stress. This allows your body to maintain balance, making it less likely that stress will trigger the kind of inflammation or immune system imbalance that can lead to chronic illness. Saying no can have long-lasting benefits for your overall wellbeing.”